by Kathy Zering
You’ve decided to invest your time and money into improving yourself and your life situation. Do you need a life coach or a therapist?
Well, as with most things, it depends. It depends on a lot of factors. We all need a little help sometimes. And it’s important to choose the right kind of help for your specific issues and what you’re hoping to get out of it.
So here’s what you need to know before reaching out.
What is Life Coaching?
I get this question a lot from people who are curious about life coaching or working with me, and they’ve never worked with a life coach. They usually know about therapy from personal experience, from friends or family going to therapy, or from seeing it in movies or TV shows (remember Frazier or even the Sopranos).
Life Coaching can be therapeutic, but the two professions are very different. I like to describe life coaching as a partnership with the life coach asking insightful questions that clients wouldn’t ask themselves, so that aligned and helpful answers can come to light. I believe you know yourself best, you just need a little help in the form of coaching questions and other support to experience that clarity or a-ha moment where things begin to make sense and can begin to change.
Life coaches also help you evaluate your current situation so you can get crystal clear on your true desires and goals. They encourage your progress, and provide you with accountability, support, structure and tools so you can produce your desired results more quickly and efficiently.
How is Life Coaching Different from Therapy?
The Core Difference
Most therapy involves a diagnosis of some mental or psychological disorder – a problem that needs to be treated because it’s disrupting one or more areas of your life. Life coaching typically takes someone who is already functioning well, but may still be suffering, and helps them to develop and grow to the next level.
When my Mom died expectedly I found a therapist to help me with that tremendous loss. I continued to function at work well, but my personal life was disrupted by my grief and sorrow; I didn’t think I would ever get past it. I needed support to work through the depressing thoughts and to function in this new world without my Mom. Therapy was the best choice for me at that time.
Past, Present, Future
Another difference is that therapy typically goes into depth about various issues, usually dealing with the past so that you can function better. And life coaching focuses primarily on the present and future and is more action-oriented and results-driven.
Types and Specialties
There are various types of therapy, like talk therapy, psychotherapy or hypnotherapy. There are also specialties within life coaching based on the coach’s skillset, training and experience.
In my life coaching business, I work with hard-working professionals dealing with a lot of stress and pressure (like me when I worked in my corporate HR job). I combine life coaching tools, like what I call thought-healing (or what others call mindset or mindfulness), and I combine it with my specialty, energy work, that is very effective at getting to the oftentimes hidden, or subconscious, root cause of what’s preventing you from achieving your goals. We meet weekly or biweekly for consistency and momentum, and before long goals like reducing stress, feeling better, improving relationships, or having more fun in life are achieved.
Lastly, sessions with a life coach will feel a lot different than ones with a therapist. Life coaching provides structure and accountability while therapy is more open-ended.
In my coaching sessions, I combine inner (energy) work and outer work – but there’s an underlying structure tied to the client’s prioritized goals. This structure helps us celebrate successes and progress, and discuss challenges or unhelpful blocks slowing down progress. And in each session there’s always homework for the client to accomplish between sessions.
So, Which One Is Best For You?
Do you need a life coach or a therapist? Actually, you don’t have to choose, if you need both. I have life coaching clients who are also actively in therapy, that’s perfectly fine. I’ve also had clients who I referred to other professionals, including therapists, for more specialized support.
The most important message here is to get help. I’m a big proponent of getting help rather than suffering alone. Especially in the challenging times we’re living in, life can be hard.
Some of us grew up being taught that asking for help is a sign of weakness and have a hard time with it, but you must push past that limiting belief for your health and wellbeing. It’s that important!
Over the years, I have had a hard time seeking out help, but I’ve come to learn and now know that most people love to help other people. It’s unhealthy to suffer for long periods of time, thinking whatever you’re grappling with will get better on its own; it usually won’t. There are resources out there for you, you just have to find the best one for your specific needs.
If you’re not spending time investing in your mental and emotional health, with a life coach or a therapist, you will not only continue to feel terrible but you’re blocking your ability to be the best version of yourself, in your personal life, your relationships and in your career.
Do you have any questions about life coaching not answered above? Drop them in a comment below.
by Kathy Zering
With Mother’s Day coming up soon, I look back to memories of growing up and the influence of all the females in my life. Many of whom are no longer here.
There were aunts, teachers (mostly nuns), cousins and, of course, my mother and my grandmother. As the youngest grandchild of 7 with a Mom that worked, I spent a lot of time being taken care of by my grandmother, affectionately known as Babci (Babcia means grandmother in Polish).
I looked up to my Babci and Mom and learned so much from them (that’s Babci, Mom & me in the photo). Today, I reflect on what’s important to me now, how I spend my time, what I have in my life, and see how that relates to what I witnessed as a child and teenager growing up around them. I’m so proud of the influence they had on me and how that has benefited my life.
Three areas in particular stand out…
Gardening and nature to stay grounded
I love gardening, all things plants, flowers, and visiting Botanical Gardens when traveling too. In fact, I spent last weekend traveling to 2 large botanical gardens with friends and had a fabulous time! Sunburned, allergies in full effect from the spring pollen, tired and sore from 6+ hours of walking around each day plus 2.5 hours in the car to get there and back, but my heart is full and soul fulfilled.
Babci had a wood shelf with 3 levels of snake plants on the back porch. If my memory serves, she probably had 15-20 plants in total. She’d take a coffee cup, the biggest one they had, and would sip the water into her mouth then blow it out over the plants to mist them – her mouth was the original plant mister.
One day I saw her through the window, she was on the back porch crying. I was little and immediately thought something was wrong. Turns out she was grating horseradish root! Even though she was out on the porch in the fresh air, it still caused her to cry. Cross my heart it seemed way worse than when she chopped onions!
The importance of daily rituals and routines for personal and spiritual development
I love to visit churches and sacred sites when I travel to new places – there’s something so peaceful and reverent about them.
Growing up I had a strong influence from both my Babci and Mom when it comes to spirituality, dedication, devotion, daily and weekly practices. They both prayed and attended church on a regular basis.
When my grandmother couldn’t attend church anymore because she was no longer able to walk, I remember her caretaker would carry her into the kitchen, placing her in a chair. And on the kitchen table would be a stack of prayer cards and prayer books.
Babci would spend hours everyday, meticulously going through each prayer card and prayer book pages, silently praying for everyone and everything.
This was her daily practice, her morning routine and later in the day, her afternoon routine.
There were many spirituality influences too, these one stand out the most in this moment: statues of Holy Mary on the dresser with a large rosary draped around her neck, holy pictures of angels, archangels, popes and saints on the wall and in picture frames propped up on the furniture, a last supper picture near the dining table with palms from Palm Sunday positioned behind it – which we’d replace every year with new palms.
Strong work ethic supporting connection and purpose in life
Babci was a cleaning lady at the local hospital. She didn’t speak English and would walk miles to get there and walk miles to return home. She was doing important work to keep the hospital clean.
Mom also worked in the medical field as an x-ray tech at a doctors office, while working at the hospital on weekends to get her foot in the door. Then she went full time at the hospital when the doctor retired. She was so smart… always planning, strategizing and putting in the work.
Mom was always connecting with others and helping patients directly. And after the long work days, she would go to Babci’s to check in on her. And travel to see Dziadzi, my grandfather, in the nursing home in another town. Then finally home to us kids who were now junior high and high schoolers to take care of us. Grocery shopping happened in between all of that, and preparing meals for my Dad and us – or at least making sure the fridge was full.
These amazing ladies not only taught me the grace of kindness and compassion, but also the importance of daily rituals and routines for personal and spiritual development.
While my personal practices today may look different than theirs, I’m so grateful for how they infused this dedication into my life. From my journaling to my Reiki practices, and my meditation practice – when it’s that time of day, these memories often flood back.
Wishing a Happy Mother’s Day to you and yours.
by Kathy Zering
It’s a common theme these days: stress. Not the good type of stress that gets us excited or motivated to take action, but the chronic debilitating stress that leads to all types of problems, especially if the signs of this stress are ignored or not dealt with constructively, and it’s allowed to continue for days, weeks, months, or even years.
There’s only so much a body can take, and that chronic stress can lead to all types of medical conditions and even serious diseases, or to mental and emotional issues like strained relationships or even depression.
It can lead to people using unhealthy coping mechanisms like smoking, overdrinking (alcohol), overeating, watching too much TV, etc., a temporary relief that only makes the problem worse.
Our bodies and minds have a way of warning us, and we have to become more in tune and aware in order to take positive action to prevent serious injury or harm.
As an example, in the past I had a few years of severe back pain that I’m convinced was entirely due to being overstressed. It started off slow, a twinge every now and then, and some achiness on occasion. One day, my back “went out”, it went into a spasm – I collapsed to the ground to try to alleviate the pain and lay there motionless praying it would stop.
I went to numerous chiropractors and even a back surgeon who told me I’d never get better (I was 26 years old at the time). This continued for a few years with one or two spasms per year and no real resolution.
For those who haven’t experienced a back spasm, picture your lower back like a tight elastic band getting tighter and tighter, and hurting, and then that elastic band being cut and unable to hold you up in a standing position anymore. It would terrify me because I knew inevitably what would happen next and felt powerless to stop it. The spasm would make me drop to the ground and lay there for hours, motionless, for hours or sometimes a day or two, until I could move without screaming in pain.
I’m not sure what was worse, the take-your-breath-away pain, or the fear of that pain knowing that any slight movement could trigger it. After the first couple of spasms, I was provided some pretty strong meds to take for the spasm and pain, which would make me sleep. It seemed to shorten the healing time it took to get on my feet again, but didn’t address the underlying cause.
The last time my back went out (spasm), I was at a party. I was uncomfortable and my back was tight that day, but not any more than usual. I was just standing around the kitchen table, and felt my back muscle stretching and then pop, spasm. I couldn’t move.
The pain was excruciating, and kept getting worse, to the point that I had to drop to my knees and lay on the floor until and an ambulance came, and I was taken to the ER, given a powerful pain killer that took most of the pain away, allowing me to walk out of there and eventually get home.
So what changed – how come my back hasn’t gone out again in the past 20 years? Well, I started paying attention to what my body was telling me instead of ignoring it.
If I overused my back one day and could feel some slight tightness occurring, I would take a positive action to address it before it got worse. For me, I would put arnica gel on it and take it easy for the rest of the day, get a good night’s sleep, and take it easy the next day.
So I wouldn’t end up in the ER again, I used the power of a morning ritual to ensure I was tuning in to how my body felt, every day. And that’s one of the two things I recommend to my clients to be able to reduce their stress and feel better on a consistent basis. Here’s more detail on that:
Commit to a morning ritual.
There are so many benefits to having a morning ritual. Just the self-discipline to wake up early and plan for it helps you mentally and provides confidence and a sense of pride when you stick to it.
The ritual itself helps you focus on what’s important, manage stress, and is the best way to start your day.
Morning rituals can include one or a few of the following: meditation, prayer, journaling, self-Reiki/energy work, listening to a guided meditation or to uplifting music, visualization, reading from the bible or some other inspiration book, stretching in bed and thinking of 3 things you’re grateful for, going for a walk outside and noticing birds singing, the wind, the warmth of sun, the clouds, etc.
Some people do focused breathing, power breathing, yoga, or some other exercise or physical activity. Drinking a cup of warm water with lemon or with Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar in it could be part of your ritual.
You can get more ideas for your morning ritual by reading this article: 6 Morning Rituals of Steve Jobs, Tony Robbins, Oprah, and Other Successful Leaders or by watching Tony Robbins’ morning ritual on YouTube.
Remember, a morning ritual only works if you do it. In creating your morning ritual, find something that you enjoy doing and that you find effective. Evaluate it after a month or two to ensure it’s providing the results you want. Do you feel more productive? Calmer? More focused? If not, make an adjustment and keep at it.
The second thing I suggest to clients are Epsom salt and baking soda baths/soaks.
It could be a relaxing and healing foot soak or a full body bath. Aim for 1 – 3 times per week for best results.
Epsom salt is magnesium sulfate, and it is common for people to be deficient in magnesium these days. Since your skin is the body’s largest organ, the body can absorb this important mineral while you’re soaking in it which can be easier on the body than ingesting it.
Magnesium regulates over 300 enzymes in the body and not only draws out toxins, but has numerous health benefits including: eases stress, improves sleep and concentration, makes insulin more effective, helps muscles and nerves function properly, improves oxygen use, and reduces inflammation to relieve pain and muscle cramps.
Because the magnesium in Epsom salts soothes away soreness and assists in the removal of lactic acid from muscle tissue, taking a bath or soak after a hard workout or after a massage is helpful in faster recovery.
And baking soda should be added because it acts as an emulsifier and is great in calming itchy skin or other skin conditions. It is especially useful in neutralizing the chemicals in typical unfiltered bath water.
Taking this kind of a soak boosts our health and well-being, and also strengthens our immune system and can prevent disease. Some people call it a detox bath or soak and sweat out a lot of toxins. Stay well hydrated by drinking relaxing herbal tea or iced water before, during and after your soak. If you have any serious health conditions, check with your doctor before trying this.
When making a foot soak I use 1 handful of Epsom salt to ½ handful baking soda in a small plastic container that my feet fit in perfectly. I soak for 20 minutes or longer – until the hot water starts to get cold. Then I rinse my feet off, moisturize them and get into bed. Easy peasy.
For a detox bath, I fill the tub with hot water, add about 2 cups Epsom salts, 1 cup baking soda, a few drops of essential oil like lavender (optional), get in and soak for 20 minutes or longer. You want as much of your body underwater as you can. My tub isn’t very deep, so I take a small hand towel that I keep wet with hot bath water and cover up any parts sticking out of the water. I close my eyes, do some breathing exercises or meditation, and relax.
When I’m done soaking I’ll shower off quickly, apply some natural argan oil moisturizer (or coconut oil or other natural moisturizer), and climb in to bed for a relaxing night’s sleep. Don’t be surprised if you feel deeply relaxed and extremely calm, the magnesium helps to increase serotonin levels. It sure to be one of the best night’s sleep you’ve had in a while.
Leave a comment to share your experience with morning rituals or detox baths, or to just let me know if you found this info helpful.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
by Kathy Zering
I’m sure you’ve heard about mediation and how beneficial it is. It’s defined by Merriam-Webster as engaging in mental exercise (such as concentration on one’s breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness.
People who meditate on a regular basis report all types of physical and emotional benefits like less stress, less anxiety, less pain, better sleep, better concentration and lower blood pressure.
I recommend meditation and visualization to my coaching clients. Both approaches are researched and proven to have lasting benefits for better health, improved wellbeing, increased joy, and more success and fulfillment.
Visualization can be thought of as a mental rehearsal and has been used by professional athletes, Olympic athletes, business leaders, therapists, actors and others with great success. Basically, your subconscious mind can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what you’re imagining, especially true if your visualization is vivid, and you’re really feeling the emotions and energy of that experience.
And if you practice visualizing a certain event with a positive outcome, when it comes time to actually perform you’ll feel like you’ve already ‘been there, done that’ – leading to great results. For example, say you get nervous public speaking and you have a presentation coming up where you’ll be speaking to 25 people.
You want to be successful and really get your message across so that your audience understands it clearly and benefits from it. Visualization daily or twice a day leading up to the event can help. You can visualize this upcoming event as if it’s real, see the audience, see their expressions, feel the energy of the room, feel your emotions before, during and after – and picture yourself killing it (in a good way) and how that feels. Hearing the applause at the end, people coming up to you afterwards energized and wanting to thank you. The more vivid and feeling it as really happening – the better the results.
So, what is guided meditation, and why is it so powerful?
Guided meditation combines mediation with visualization to bring about positive personal changes. During a guided meditation you achieve that deep state of relaxation and what you’re guided to visualize is very vivid and realistic.
Benefits are immediate and you’ll feel better on all levels: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Guided meditations can be tailored to achieve specific outcomes depending on what your needs are. I used guided meditation frequently with coaching clients, with great results. I highly recommend you experience it for yourself.
“The mind is everything. What you think you become.” – Buddha
Photo by Brian Mann on Unsplash